Apple Stinks at Names

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March 10, 2015 by McDowski

For a company widely accepted to excel at marketing, Apple is really terrible at naming their products and services.

There is the obsession with the lowercase ‘i’ in front of names. Just stick the letter ahead of the product and call it a day. We’re going to make a phone that will revolutionize the telecommunication industry. We’ll call it… i…Phone. What about a tablet, that is like a digital pad? The i…Pad, of course! Cloud services? i…Cloud. And the iMac, iPod and iTunes have been around for years and years. Hey, we have this awesome smartphone platform with an advanced operating system; it’s the best mobile OS that there is! We’ll call it… iOS!

Then there are Apple’s non-‘i’ related products, that are just as poorly named. They made a box for streaming content to your television. It’s called… the Apple TV.

And this grand tradition continues with Apple’s latest high profile launch. The unimaginatively named “Apple Watch.”

Firstly, the primary name. Apple is the name of the company, so the name of the watch is really just… ‘Watch.’

You have the low end one, called the Watch Sport. Imagine:

The Ugly One

The Ugly One

“Which watch is that?”
“The Sport edition.”
“Of what?”
“The Watch.”
“Which watch?”
“The Apple Watch.”
“Ah.”


The Other One

The Other One

The middle one is apparently just called Watch:

“Hey, which watch is that?”
“The Watch. As in, by Apple? The Apple Watch.”
“Cool. It’s not the one that costs 10k, right?”
“Haha. No, no. I’m not that rich.”
“So is it the Sport edition, then? Or… er, the other one?”
“The other one…”


And the Watch Edition:

The Stupidly Priced One

The Stupidly Priced One

“Wow, nice watch.”
“Thanks.”
“Is that the new Apple Watch I heard about?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Which edition?”
“That’s right.”
“Huh?”
“You’re right. It’s the Edition.”
Which edition?”
“The… Edition edition.”
“Riiiight….?”
“The Watch Edition? The expensive one? Look, I spent ten grand on it, alright?”
“Ah, okay. Got it.”

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